I Went A Bit Overboard With This One… Please Still Like me!

Your beliefs shape you. Now that you have spent time pondering (and hopefully journaling) the question from last week, “What would your life be like if you didn’t care what other people think? ”, here’s another great question…

What happened or who had you believe
what other people think matters?

We are looking at beliefs, why we have them, where they came from and then we will discuss what we can do to transform them.

By the time I got to adulthood, I was constantly watching myself. I wanted to look good and be liked. What other people thought mattered a lot to me. As a kid, it hurt when the kids thought I was weird and a goody two shoes. It hurt when I was bullied and felt like something was wrong with me. It hurt because I felt alone and didn’t fit in.

We all need love. We all need connection. We all need to know we matter and so we picked up some messages throughout our life that told us to be careful so people didn’t think badly of us. It was a strategy to keep us safe and fitting in…

That’s what I did until I realized there was a cost in being so careful. How’s it working for you? Oops, another question. Put that one aside for a bit.

Your parents might have told you to watch what you say so you don’t rub people the wrong way. Good advice but up to a point. It’s not a bad thing to be mindful of your words and actions. Maybe you had a similar experience as I did with the school kids.

If you’re walking on eggshells not to piss someone off and are stuffing your truth down, you are not being authentic and not allowing yourself to connect more deeply with those around you in a healthy way. That sucks!

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Look, I want everyone to like me. Heck, I want everyone to love me! But to abandon myself, my truth, my authentic expression of my soul to have that happen… it ain’t worth it. It hurts to hold yourself back and try to make everyone think you’re awesome.

A very wise mentor once told me if everyone likes me, I am kissing way too much ass. Bingo.

People would be liking/loving a half-truth of who I really am since I would be cutting off a part(s) of myself to get those results. Don’t you want people to really like you for you? The true you? The uncensored beautiful real essence of you? Oh my, more questions! I can’t stop. I hope you still like me! lol

So for today, just ponder the question “Where did you pick up the belief: What others think matters.”

2 thoughts on “I Went A Bit Overboard With This One… Please Still Like me!

  1. I identify with your comments but that creates problems between my wife and me; I might be too authentic. She is constantly walking on egg shells while I say what I think. We cannot find the happy middle ground.

    1. Sorry for the delay in replying Robert. Been sick and not on my game with emails. ah, relationships and communication. What does too authentic mean? You either are or you are not. My guess is you mean, not holding back anything- full truth, and that can cause challenges with you and your wife correct?
      Feel free to PM me off this thread. For others and you that are following, let me say that to hold back our truth, our essence, has a cost and creates distance not closeness. so what to do.
      two things come to mind. Learn new communication skills like “Clean Talk’. Its a great tool I learned in Shadow work training to help people speak their truth without triggering the other.
      The other is do our emotional healing work. the past stuff that pops up. I know for me, when I feel judged by the one I love, I get scared I am unlovable and will be left. I still work on that. My dad died at a young age and part of me has great fear of falling short in my lovers eyes. But I also know it and understand it and have worked it so it doesn’t have the hold on me as it used to BUT I must be mindful and continue to heal. make sense?

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