As a love and relationship coach, I sometimes feel like a fraud.
There is a part of me that thinks with all the love skills I have I “should” have the perfect relationship.
Total transparency- my relationship has challenges and sometimes I wonder, will we last?
It’s far from perfect.
Sometimes our past programming shows up and takes us down old rabbit holes. When this happens, it’s so painful.
Last week was especially hard.
It was my 2-year anniversary with my sweetheart David. We had plans to celebrate at our favorite restaurant and then I was to take off for an 11-day road trip with Jasper.
I was excited for a playful, fun, loving week and then something happened.
The details don’t matter. What matters is how I chose to deal with it.
I refused to sweep my feelings under the rug.
I struggled though.
I thought – If I take a stand and share my truth, I’d ruin our anniversary.
I also thought, if I let it slide and then go on the trip, I’d be holding onto my pain for days and that is just not how I fly anymore.
I used to hold my tongue, walk on eggshells and eat a shit ton of food to manage my emotions. The price of me not sharing my heart, my disappointment, my truth was steep.
I broke that painful contract of holding myself down a long time ago and now I step into the fire, even if it means a ruined anniversary.
I needed to express myself. I needed to tell him what was happening inside and I did.
It got messy. It took many hours of deep talking, lots of tears, and processing to get to the other side, back to love, and we did.
We got through it.
We love each other and are so committed to making it work. Sometimes it’s hard and we both wanna run. We don’t.
I know you know relationships take work. They do.
I know it can be scary when things don’t go the way you’ve planned. It’s uncomfortable, especially when the past still has a hold on you.
What I know is:
️ If you listen to your heart…
If you don’t squash your feelings…
🥰 If you stay true to yourself and never abandon yourself…
You will have the key to Next Level Love. You get to experience the greatest relationship ever and that is the one with yourself.
When you do this, you are free AND you get to open to a true partnership with another because you are able to be yourself, be seen, and be YOU without apology.
That’s what I did this week. It truly was hard but I worked my tools and I got the support I needed from my wise posse of peeps. I needed to get clear before I dove into the deep end with David.
The choice of not expressing my feelings just isn’t a choice for me anymore.
Even if being real with David led to our demise, I chose me. I choose my happiness. I took a bold stand for Next Level Love and I won’t accept anything less.
NLL is about being fully you. To never abandon yourself. To relax and drink the sweet nectar of life with or without a partner.
Life is too short. Life is meant to be lived full out.
If you are holding yourself back in love, ask yourself what’s at risk if you stop that behavior? What’s at risk if out don’t shift and heal?
Reply and let me know what you come up with.
I’m happy to say I hit the road with Jasper on our road trip fully expressed, heard, and at peace. David and I continue to grow and every day we commit to a healthier, happier journey together.
It takes courage to take a stand for yourself. The prize? An amazing life fully lived.
I wanted you to know this. I’m not perfect nor is my partnership.
I continue to unplug from my own past programming and continue to heal. I’m not on the mountaintop yelling I have the best relationship ever and it’s easy peasy. It takes work- inside and out.
I have a loving, beautiful, imperfect relationship and I commit to staying true to myself no matter what. That’s successful living and loving in my opinion.
May you hold true to yourself no matter what and claim what is rightfully yours, amazing life lived out loud without apology.
Much love to you,