This seems very f*cked up…big vulnerability here…and my painful secret revealed

sad woman resized

You might have heard how I have been struggling these past 6 weeks with menopause. Yep, the switch turned on and sleep (or what I remember of it…) is a rare occurrence.

I believe everything in my life happens “for” me, and not “to” me. And though this is a normal stage of life, my symptoms are kicking my ass! I am questioning, what is the meaning of these torturous nights!?

What will I learn from this? What am I opening up to? Will I survive? lol

Here is the real “problem”. My life feels like a sci-fi movie… my invisible defense shields that support me and protect me are down…and I feel vulnerable to incoming hits. When I don’t sleep, I feel so much more.

I share this with you, because I know, you too have situations that show up and rock you to your core. Here are some do’s and don’ts for your surthrival!

The journey…

At first, I fought it. I was in my fear! Oh no! Get ready for battle! This is dangerous! All hands on deck!

I got my guns out…all my herbs, supplements, ordered books, posted on face book seeking wisdom from sister comrades …everything I could do to not have this be happening. I DON’T WANNA FEEL THE PAIN! I DON’T WANNA FEEL VULNERABLE!

I actually have a pretty good relationship with vulnerability. I love my ability to reveal my truth and not hide my feelings BUT…

When I don’t sleep, my sensitivity rises and can feel overwhelming and then I am at risk… BIG RISK!

You see, I have a secret. A deep, deep heartache, that if I feel too often, I am taken out of my life game and I just don’t function well.

Without going into too many details, let’s just say, I have a son who has chosen a path in his life that has felt like a dagger to my heart. Most people are shocked that I actually have so much happiness and fun in my life with such a “sad” situation with my child.

Because of my beliefs, I am able to surrender to that which I have no control. I do what I can. I pray for him and love him with my whole heart, and most of the time, I am good. I live a full, joyful life and can be of service to others.

I am able to accept how things are and trust that Spirit is in control. BUT, give me sleep deprivation, and I feel raw, scared and the craziness of the situation has my mamma heart hurting terribly.

So what is there to do?

Just that question has the answer. It really isn’t in the doing but the being. Yes, I can tweak my vitamins, get my acupuncture and “do” things to support this stage of my life, but the opportunity here is to feel… to process…to heal.

What you resist, will persist, right?

When the shit hits the fan, you might wanna go into battle too. Makes sense. You get scared. I was. The opportunity though is to catch yourself as soon as possible, to accept the circumstances and flow with what is happening.

Fighting isn’t going to get you anywhere except feeling  tense, frustrated and more pain. That’s what I felt right away. I saw that I was holding on tightly. I didn’t wanna surrender to this “bump” in the road. I wanted to take control and get my defense shields back up and running ASAP.

Ha! Yeah, when does that really work? Some things are just out of your control. And so you need to stop, breathe and allow the reality to be what it is. Regroup. Assess. There are choices to be made, and resisting is a losing battle.

I am asking myself now, how to be with this new me. What are the gifts?

I am tired. I am vulnerable. And that is o.k. I embrace my truth of now. Things will have to be tweaked. My schedule will have to change if I want to continue to have a healthy, vibrant life. I must adjust. And I must feel.

The big thing I think for us is, to once again, have deep compassion for ourselves, and love ourselves as we walk this life walk. Ask yourself, what is the blessing here?

I have not been a happy camper these past weeks. I am still riding the new waves of this tumultuous ocean, learning how to manage the tides, but I have my gear on now, which will help me through it. My gear is in trusting that I will not only survive but thrive and that healing is occurring. A brand new me is birthing.

As much as I am at peace with my son’s situation, I believe this stage is a deeper letting go of my mothering,  allowing him to be his own person… that there’s a more defined separation from him emotionally occuring and I am re-claiming my life.

I am letting go of the wheel, hands up and letting my life unfold…in the perfect way it has always unfolded.

In a few days, you begin a new year. Here are some great questions to ask yourself…and feel free to share your answers with me too!

  • Where are you holding on tightly?
  • How can you loosen up and allow life to flow more easily?
  • What’s at risk for you if you stop battling?
  • What might change if you surrender?
  • How might your life be different if you trust more?
  • What price do you pay if you continue to battle?

I wish you a blessed, happy, healthy and vibrant New Year!!!!

Love, Junie Moon

PS: Next Tuesday, January 5th,  I have a special guest on my Life Out Loud Show. Dr. Mathew Singer, an amazing healer, holistic chiropractor, and very wise man, will be sharing healing and rejuvenation secrets to help you make 2016 an awesome year.

Click Here to register for the show. There are replays if you can’t make it live. But come live and ask Dr. Matt questions!!!

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