When you think of dating, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
- It’s such a drag.
- All the good guys are taken.
- This is so much work!
- There’s so much scamming going on.
Most women who have been single and out there for a while have experienced this nightmare dating scenario firsthand.
You know the one…
You’ve been chatting online with a really great guy (Phil) for a few weeks, and you’re ready to take the next step – the good, old “meet-and-greet”.
Phil (who looked like Tom Selleck chillaxing in all of his pics) arrives at the restaurant, and it’s abundantly clear that his online pics were taken 15 years and 80lbs ago.
In a flash –POOF– Tom Selleck turns into John Goodman!
He forgot to mention that he lives with his mom because his 4th wife got the assets, he somehow left his bank card at home…and that troubling sinus drip (and accompanying sniff) will hopefully grow on you.
Now, there’s no escape…and, after paying the entire tab, you leave thinking…
Well, that was 2 hours of my life I won’t ever get back…
Annnnnnd, I hope I didn’t just get Covid.
If you’ve been at it a while, then you probably have a fairly good idea about the risks versus rewards of the dating scene. I’m not going to tell you, “Woohoo, dating is all great.” Why? Because I’ve been there! I know! It can be hard.
When you stop and think about all the things that could go potentially sideways with dating and relationships overall, why would you intentionally play the dating game?
Because deep down inside…you don’t want to give up on finding love. HOPE LIVES!
The thing is, after you’ve been hurt over and over, it’s only natural to want to stop those crappy experiences from happening again.
So, you put up protective love blocks and you hold yourself back from really opening up to love again. You now have radar for pain and your Risk Manager is on high alert looking for all the red flags…
Does he have a job?
Is he a good listener?
Is he comfortable in his sexuality?
Is he okay with his ex?
How many kids does he have?
Whether you’re having fun (or not) in dating, part of the journey is really being honest with where you’re at, what’s working for you, and what’s not working.
It’s so important to unpack the past, heal and really be able to say yes to love now.
Remember the Golden Rule? Keep in front of you what you desire. If you desire it, you’re going to move toward it. And, if you desire it, it’s possible, because you can’t desire something that’s not there.
So, what you do, or how you think, translates into whether you are going to enjoy something, or not. Your perspective dictates whether you’re going to feel energy or not. And, it’s the same thing within the dating world!
So, let’s talk about how to make it fun.
Do you remember that game Red Light, Green Light 123?
That childhood game where somebody was against the wall, or far away, and they had their back to you. Right? And, they would say, “Red light…green light… 123!”
The goal of the game was to get from one end of the playing area to the other (or back again) without being called out because you didn’t freeze after “Red Light!” was said.
How to use “Red Light, Green Light, 123” to step up your Dating Game:
- THINK ABOUT DIFFERENT WAYS TO DATE. Get online and have some fun! A lot of people aren’t dating in person right now, so there’s a huge opportunity to date online/on video. It’s a great way to build a strong connection…more so than just going out on a first date. (It’s also WAY cheaper!)
- TAKE A LOAD OFF. Remove the pressure. Instead of coming out of the gates thinking, “Is he the ONE?” just go into it hoping for a fun, entertaining conversation with somebody new.
- GET YOUR MIDLIFE LOVE GUIDE. Be prepared!
- GET CLEAR ABOUT YOUR “MUST HAVES” AND “DEAL BREAKERS”. You can’t play the game without them. Have your checklist right near you. You can use a whiteboard, a corkboard, or even just tape it to the side of your computer…Must-haves = green flags/ Total deal breakers = red flags.
- IDENTIFY YOUR GRAY ZONE. You know what your red flags are. You know what your green flags are. But, there’s also a sweet spot in the middle, the gray zone – the space to be more playful with the data you receive and be more inquisitive about the people that you’re meeting. The seriousness can come at any time, right? The gray zone is a chance to really enjoy connecting and learning about this person.
Most importantly, your beliefs and perceptions will really impact how you view the other person and affect whether you want to keep a relationship going, or not.
Sometimes you close the door because of a gut reaction, but don’t forget to be curious first! Don’t hold back — ask questions! Get to know them. But, also have this concept in the back of your mind of red light, green light, red flag, green flag.
Because, at the end of the day, YOU need to identify what’s most important to you.
I don’t believe in mistakes, I believe in information. I encourage you to be more curious and open to what’s possible. Don’t just shut the door so quickly.
Of course, love is risky business, but when you find it….it is also one hell of a ride!
So, don’t give up on love, because a lot of people are at home right now, twiddling their thumbs and looking for you!
Love and laughs,
PS. SAVE THE DATE:
Coming up in February, the month of love, let’s celebrate YOU – your beauty, your talent, your exuberance, all that you have to offer a special person! The Magnetize More Love in Midlife LOVE-A-THON is a FREE ONLINE EVENT beginning February 8, 2021, @ 7 pm Eastern. It’s all about expanding your love and dating toolbox and taking your love life to the next level!
Join us in a sacred sisterhood of midlife love seekers in the free private Facebook group,
Find Fabulous Love after 40.