For so long, I have resisted you. You have lingered in the background calling me and inviting me to experience you and I have said no, not now, not a good time, too much life to live and more manifesting of joy to be had and shared. I have dabbled in you, with you, but then popped back up into the light. In fact I do my best to keep you away because I am not really comfortable allowing you in my space. In my heart. Small doses ok, but I have feared to truly let you in because I was scared I would be consumed and not ever get out of the darkness. I haven’t trusted that you are ok, or even healthy in my life. I might be swallowed whole with the pain and loss I have experienced. So I have reached for the stars and moon and have embraced the light as often as I could. Ahh, the light feels good. For a bit. But the balance is off. I see that. Not only is it unsustainable to stay high for so long, I realize I have not allowed the healing of some old deep wounds. As much as I have pushed you away, you have found sneaky subtle ways to come in. As food addiction, love addiction, checking out with tv, filling up my empty space because I have not welcomed you fully into my life to know you and love you. I have put my sadness into my shadow bag and said it was not ok to be like that. Too painful. Too scary. And I won’t be loved if I am sad. People love me for my bubbly light. Well I am in it with you now. I am dancing with you. I am feeling you. Seeing your gifts. And you know what? I am feeling calm, centered and loved as I feel you. I am not alone in this place of aloneness because I have a bigger truth here. Spirit is here and in me, with me. I can feel my dad who is gone from this physical plane in my heart and I am loved. I can feel my grandma loving me though she is gone as well. . And my son who is so far away from me, through the deep sadness, I can allow my heart to open and love him, allow the love to flow back inside me and know that all is in divine order. I can be ok with that truth. No one can stop me from loving and through my loving, I feel love. I guess I can even be called selfish! The more I love and feel love. A good deal indeed.
Denying who we are is such an injustice. It limits our wholeness and our beauty. So today, Sadness, welcome. I will dance with you and know you so I can have you come and go without major damage and be relaxed as you glide in and out of my life. What we resist persists so come on in, dance with me and then I can move more freely with you and not fight you. Welcome Sadness, welcome healing.